09:03

Don't Live Someone Else's Dream

When you are a child, you are constantly told not to do things. Don't eat with your mouth open. Don't play with your food. Don't talk to strangers. I used to question why adults always told us not to do things, why they had the power to say 'don't', but were allowed to do so themselves. I assumed that with age came freedom, that I would outgrow childhood, and with it, outgrow people giving me instructions about the right and wrong way to live my life. But I was wrong.

When I was fifteen, we started to have careers meetings at school; discussions about which A-levels we were thinking of choosing, which universities we would be applying to and ultimately which career path we wanted to follow. We underwent psychometric testing (the results of which were extremely questionable considering my straight-A-student friend was told she should become an afro-caribbean hairdresser). We all laughed at the time, but ultimately that sentence summarises everything that is wrong with careers advice. Just because you are a straight-A-student doesn't mean you shouldn't become an afro-caribbean hairdresser if that is the path which you want to follow. And on that note, why are we trusting such an ambiguous piece of computer software to make important life decisions for us anyway? I sat down in my careers meeting, in front of my form tutor and told him I wanted to go to the best art school in the world (a pretty ambitious dream by most peoples standards), to which I was asked 'are you really sure that's the right choice?', and to which I replied 'yes'. How else would I pursue a career within the art/design/film/fashion industry if I was unable to study the subjects that would educate me in this field? Because I went to private school and was predicted A*'s in Chemistry and Maths, it was seen as a failure or a cop out to pick these 'soft options', to pursue a career which did not solely rely upon academic credentials. I was asked to consider a different career path, to rethink my choice, to 'keep my options open', but I stuck to my guns and with the help of supportive parents and the backing from my art and graphics teachers I was allowed to study the A-levels that I wanted.

For the two years that followed I was told on an almost daily basis that I was only succeeding and achieving the grades I was achieving because I chose 'easy subjects'. Aspiring medics looked down on me for wanting to attend art school, and my stress was never placed on the same level as anyone else's due to the nature of the subjects I took. It did not matter when I achieved 100% in both my art and graphics A-level, it did not matter when I received an unconditional offer from the art school I dreamed of, and it did not matter when I received an award for outstanding academic achievement and the subject prize in graphic design, because ultimately the subjects I took were not 'real subjects'. Eventually, if you are told something too many times, these voices of judgement can cloud and drown out your own voice. Don't let them. Go after your dreams no matter how unattainable others think they are.

So I got thinking: what gives someone else the right to take anyone else's dream away? Just because you are aspiring to a different dream than me doesn't make yours any more important. Whatever your dream may be, no body has the right to tell you you can't; it is guaranteed that at some point someone has thought up something crazier and succeeded. If no one thinks you can, then you have to, not just to prove them wrong but to prove yourself right. It is better to try and fail than to never have tried at all. To never have tried means to never have failed, but to always live in regret and wonder 'what if'. If you try and don't succeed, at least you can live in the knowledge that you tried your best.

People telling me I couldn't made me more adamant to prove that I could and I would. (And I did). Remember: at first they will ask you why, then they will ask you how. Nothing comes easy, but hard work will always pay off. It is so easy to see someones success, see them at the end of the road and assume that you will never be able to get to that place. If you never saw the struggle it took for them to get there, of course their journey will seem easy. But it wasn't, because if it was easy, everyone would have it. Those not determined enough to put in the work required will always find an excuse as to why you found your success when they didn't. 

So now I've reached adulthood, I'd like to add a few 'Don'ts' of my own. Don't live your life for anyone but yourself. Don't make choices based on any opinion other than your own. Don't live someone else's dream. 'For in dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own'.

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32 comments

  1. I love this post, it feels like everyone tells you what you should and shouldn't be doing! I know for a fact that my friend was more stressed out over Art than I was over Chemistry, but why should our stress over a subject be compared anyway? Both are stressful and just as hard as each other! I think that people need to stop worrying about other people's lives and concentrate on their own!
    Jodie xo // JodieLoue

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    1. thank you so much! I love your comment its so true xxx

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  2. Love this so much! I've witnessed so many people pursuing subjects and careers because they've been made to feel like they should - and they've hated every second. It's no surprise that once they've started to follow their own dreams they've become much happier!

    Laura x
    aviewfrom-thebalcony.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. aw thank you! I know, it's such a shame that people feel like they can't just pursue what they want to! xx

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  3. Good for you for sticking to your beliefs! I wanted to go to art school and study fashion design but I thought I wouldn't be able to get a job. I ended up getting an English degree and getting a "real job"...but 3 years after being in the field I've decided to pursue my creative passions instead! People place way too much emphasis on having a traditional career path!

    COOCOO FOR COCO

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    1. thank you lovely! awww I'm so pleased for you!! xx

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  4. I absolutely loved this post Amy! What a whole host of fantastic achievements and well done to you for sticking to your guns. I took three art-based subjects at school for my GCSEs and wanted to study art at A Level but I was talked out of it because it wouldn't, 'lead me anywhere!' Part of me understands why career advisers push for academic subjects but they should also listen more to what young people want and wish to achieve, before putting them all in the same educational box. xxx

    Kirsty - Effortlessly Excessive

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  5. I love this so much, I have a dream to get to a certain position in my career but some may doubt why I want to do it or even if I can. It is my dream therefore I will do everything i can to get there.
    xxx
    Lyndsey
    www.labeau.co.uk

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  6. I loved this post Amy, it was so well written! I haven't really had the cause to think about this before, as the people around me are so supportive of the decisions I make. However, I realised I see this happening everyday. I don't understand why people try and push others into doing what is deemed the 'right job' with academics and traditional, when the world is changing towards media and graphic designs. I agree with what you said, nothing gives somebody the right to take someone else's dream away; but it sadly happens quite frequently!

    Paige x

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  7. What an amazing post! I agree with every word you said.
    I hate being told what to do, which uni to enter, what career to choose. Thanks to my patience, I can just smile and walk away, but that is definitely not everyone else's business. Moreover, the worst is to feel pressure from parents. It's cool I'm your child. However, I live my life and choose a job that is right for me.

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  8. What an amazing post! I agree with every word you said.
    I hate being told what to do, which uni to enter, what career to choose. Thanks to my patience, I can just smile and walk away, but that is definitely not everyone else's business. Moreover, the worst is to feel pressure from parents. It's cool I'm your child. However, I live my life and choose a job that is right for me.

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  9. I can relate to this post so well! I have been struggling with figuring out what my passion is and what I want to do for the rest of my life. Having many set backs throughout my college career has discouraged me quite a bit. I have a love for fashion also but I never thought about perusing it as a career because of the major competition.
    Seeing your blog has encouraged me to continue to post on my own!
    If you have any tips for bloggers just starting out, I would love to hear back from you!

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    1. aw im so glad you can relate to it!! such a lovely comment, thank you! id say just blog about exactly what you want to, don't just post content about certain things because its what other people are posting! find your own voice and the views and followers will come in time :) xx

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  10. This is such a great, heartfelt post. Well done. I think so much of what we do can be rooted in fear - fear of disappointing others or ourselves. Looking to my future I'm focusing on what will make me happy and what I can see myself doing and staying passionate about... because ultimately it's you who has to work that job, or live in that city, etc, etc.

    Erin | Erin and Katherine Talk Beauty

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  11. Loved this Amy. I totally agree and if everyone wanted to do the same 'boring' job then no one would be different and it would be a pretty terrible place to live in! The people with courage and who went out to make their dream come true with no fears are the ones who are living their dreams! xx

    http://lilliemysel.blogspot.com

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  12. I honestly love this post so much and think you should be so proud of yourself!
    I'm currently leaving school and have always been an A/A* pupil in every subject, but more specifically the academic ones I tend to excel in. The thing is I want to use my creative talents in art,textiles, photography and performing arts to further me in life. As much as I do enjoy english and maths, I really want to continue dance, textiles and photography. I have chosen English lit, Maths, Photography and Textiles but the on that is constantly nagging in my brain is dance. I adore the subject and know I get the most joy and happiness from being onstage and expressing myself through movements. My mum and dad on the other hand are not so keen. I'm struggling with decisions at the minute because it's so hard to differentiate from whats right or wrong, but this post gave me a little comfort. I need to live for me, thank you.

    Infinity Of Fashion// Lucy Jane

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    1. aww thank you so much! aww follow your dreams, its your life not any body else's and at the end of the day it should be your decision! i hope you make the right choice for you xx

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  13. Love this!! I believe in living my own dream. Sometimes it's so hard but so glad to know I'm not alone! Thank you!!! <3

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  14. Totally agree with this, for a-levels I took Textile along with three very academic subjects because at the time Textiles was just a hobby. When Textiles became my career choice so many people were telling me to re-think but I didn't listen! I'm now looking forward to studying Textiles Design at University, I can't wait! xx
    www.emilyjanewebb.co.uk

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    1. aww good luck I'm so happy you made that choice! xx

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  15. Your words have inspired me so much! Recently my school has been discussing A levels and careers and its scared me. But your words have made me realise it doesn't matter what others think. It's my life so I can choose what I do with it. I can strive for what I want. Thank you for writing this!

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    1. aw thats such a lovely thing to hear, thank you so so much!! xxx

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  16. This post really got me thinking and I realised just how relatable it is to my own life. I've always been really indecisive with my career and ended up in endless dead end jobs due to people telling me I must do this and I must do that. Now I'm in a job that I love and people genuinely respect. Thank you for such a lovely post, I really relate to your writing style as well! :) x

    www.floralinspiredlife.con

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    1. aw im so glad you've finally found somewhere you like! xx

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